[140805] About Joo, and then what I've just find out

I can't continue to write the story below. it's not because I didn't find a perfect scene to end it, but I just don't have any feelings towards the next scene I've already made. why? because it's not really like that in the real life. Well, how's anything come up like this is still a mystery that nobody want to breaks, neither Joo nor me. But don't worry, up until now I have a very good friendship with Joo beside of my personal heart conflict. we're totally fine. right, Joo? :) miss you


just tonight, I find out what makes me somehow become, ah forget it for now, I'll post it later, I think it'll breaks my good mood this morning

[140805] Titled: Joo

“Joo, don’t you miss me?”

I said it on my head then typed it on my phone. But at the next second I was just deleted it without send this message to Joo.

It’s been a week since she moved out from our lovely apartment that we used to share. She has to move to another campus building at the neighbor town because of her decision of taking additional subject. I can’t say anything to stop her because the reason is realistically academic. I have to let her go out off our apartment without complaining. It’s not easy for me, but I understand and I did it well.

I’m not alone in this apartment actually. There’re still two other friends. But I was just too close and too often being together with Joo so that I feel really empty when she left.

I’m now walking slowly on the walking path. It’s already 8 p.m and the weather is getting cold. But I’m too lazy to be back home. I was just sure that there will be no Joo screaming, laughing and playing anymore when I open the apartment door. So much things that I want to tell to Joo, so much thing I want to do with her, so much topic that we have to discuss together. In the next second I realize that they’re all will just disappear and untold.

I feel really lonely.

“Kim?”

Someone call my name. I turn around and my eyes catch the handsome face of Dr. Eddy, a specialist doctor in the clinic of surgery. I bet he’s just walking home from his work in the nearby hospital. His dark blue shirt looked contrast with his bright skin. Even after the long day work and filled by tiredness, he’s still looked handsome.

“Doctor?” I said.

“So, you were here all the time?” he speaks with a perfect educational people accent.

“Ah, no I was just here few times ago. What are you doing here, doc? Have you done with your patients?”

“Yes, oh. Actually not yet. There’s a wounded girl that have to come to my place and examined by me. But it seems like she’s not really care about the after-surgery-wound in her chin. At the end, she didn’t come to fulfill her appointment. But exactly right now, I am talking to that wounded girl in this walking path. So, why didn’t you come?” he smiled at the end of the sentence.

“Ah, that… mmm… sorry doc, I forgot the appointment. Did you wait for me? I’m really sorry. I will come tomorrow I promise.”

“I won’t be in this town tomorrow so just done it here, right now.”

“Ah… can it be?”

“Of course. Why not? Don’t worry I’ll make it sure that all of the treatment is septic-free. It’s hygiene. Don’t you believe me?”

“Well, you looked young. Anyone won’t be easy to trust you as a specialist doctor.”

“So, how old are you Kim?”

“twenty doc, I’m in my third year in the university. Old enough”

“Not really. I’m twelve years older than you. I’ve been practically diagnose and examine hundreds people and what’s good? No one get hurts. Trust me?”

“Oh, yeah, I trust you. Just, you don’t look like that old. I’m sorry.”

“I understand. Yeah, just sit down at the bench over there!” he instructs me.

When I sat down at the mentioned bench, Dr. Eddy began to open his bag and pulled out some medical tools I don’t familiar to. Fast, he began the treatment. He starts with opening the bandage that covers my wounded chin.

“what’s in your mind when you decide to fight those gangster?” Dr. Eddy asks me.

“they bothered Joo, I must tell them to stop. Joo is my precious friend I don’t want anything bad happened to her.”

“And it’s okay if anything bad happened to you?”

“Well, until now I’m still fine.”

“What kind of fine? Stand in front of a mirror and look at your chin!”

“Is it too bad?”

“Do you think it’s not?”

“Well, at least I have you as a good doctor. You can heal me, right?”

“Ah, this stubborn kid.”

His hand treats my wound very well. I regret the early sentence I said to him. I didn’t mean to underestimate him or something like that. I was just, don’t see an experienced-old-doctor on his cute face. Talking about his face, it’s now really near mine. I can once look at it and admiring. For thirty two years old doctor, he looked very young and handsome.

“Do you think she loves you as much as you love her?”

“Excuse me?”

“Do you think she will do the same thing as you when you’re in her position?”

“At first I thought she will. But now, not really.”

“Why?”

“She moved away and didn’t make any single call or even just a simple hello text to me. I miss her very much. But I don’t think she miss me as much as I do.”

“Why don’t you call her first?”

“I have too much pride. Yes, I am.”

“Don’t you curious? Her attitude is not even obvious.”

“Hmm… I don’t know.”

“Ah, it’s done.”

Dr. Eddy’s wound treatment spends only ten minutes. I don’t even realize time passing by while we have a conversation. This short enough conversation brings me to the very long mind. I fall into deep ocean of Joo’s matter.

But then I realize there’s a specialist doctor in front of me that have to be paid for his impressive wound treatment.

“Thanks doc. How much the cost?” I said.

“A cup of choco ice cream.” He replied with a smile in the end.

..... to be continued

physics that once I loved

Long time ago, physic can always be a great place to run from any uncertainty. But now, as I grow older, everything’s changing. I fell in to a deep lake of sorrow. I’m busy telling anyone what’s uncertain and force them to make it clear as soon as possible. When it doesn’t seem to be clear soon, I fell in to the deeper uncertainty. I tried to take my physic book and answer the question inside as I used to do in my teenagers age. But I’m no longer a simply-minded teenager. My physic matter is no longer a classic Newtonian. It’s now quantum mechanics and this thing growing up my uncertainty even bigger as I meet the principle of Heisenberg. I give up. Close the book and then open the Calculus by Stewart. But I give up once again without knowing the reason.

At the time like this I’ll just tell myself that I’m ok. Gwaenchana J

just two weeks after I finished those writings above, everythings getting lighter. these physic things become something I loved once more.

I'd love to explain about quarks and leptons as elementary particles to my pals. it reminds me of the astronomy subject that I took when I was on the High School. I miss those moments when I'm a science student hufffftttt

When the things get harder than before

finally the time's come where I have to give my best efforts for something doesn't really big in other's eyes. well, jealousy is something I always befriend with. the fact that the way he treats her is better than the way he treats me is ironically damaging this fragile heart.

"da aku mah apa atuh?" is the words I often say in my daily things.

it shows something like "I'm as useful as 'p' in the word of 'psychology'" yeah, the way I feel that I'm no one is really bother me. I have either courage nor confident.

but when I handle a problem in my event, someone told me that as a committee we have to got some courage to say no at something don't match with our goal and our way.

so I'm just sitting here try to find my confident.

Cyclical

Life’s not getting easier every single second. Burden is not getting lighter as your arms getting stronger. Problems are not getting simpler as you are getting older. Instead, everything’s changed and going up into the next level. Maybe the life quality seen by normal opinion is getting better, a unilinear form of social change. But something inside your soul doesn’t follow this pattern. It’s cyclical form. Sometimes you’re down, but in other time you’re up. It doesn’t mean that you allowed being poor. You don’t. You definitely don’t.

If it’s about the culture and life attitude, I’m an old school person. I still use traditional point of view, and it’s kind of traditional communication I always count to be my way. The main point is viewing the news based on the person who brought it. Once I don’t give my sympathy to you, then you’re become the one I never listen to. No matter what kind of wise words you say, it’s nothing in my sense.

It's been 2 months

It’s now midnight. I saw my roommates has just stopped studying and fell onto her bed. I’m still awake. Have so much sleep this afternoon and have some task to do are the reason I haven’t slept. Instinctively, I take my pink mug, pour a sachet of coffee powder, take a coin and go out off my room. I walked to the dispenser in front of musholla. I added hot water into my mug and going back to the room.  While waiting for the coffee to get cooler, I go back to my previous position, facing task papers that I love. It’s not a joke. I actually love it to doing these tasks. Why? Truthfully I cannot explain the reason.

There are so many things happened here. In this Rain City, in this green Campus, and in this nice dormitory. Generally, my lifestyle is twice, three times or maybe more times nicer than when I was in my hometown. In my home, I have younger sisters and brothers who need to be cared. I have parents who need to be helped by me in their works. Ah, no. it’s actually me who needs to care and help them. But here, I’m only burdened by my own things. I only wash my own clothes, my own dishes, making neat my own bed, my own closet. I don’t have to go far enough to school. My classes are all in one building and it’s right in front of my dormitory. I just need to walk for about two minutes from y room door to my class door. I met so much wonderful friends. And I also got my hometown friends here as my “keluarga di rantau” that always can be my family when I feel like I missed home. The seniors, they’re so freaking nice. I think my other friends in the other campus don’t feel this way. I can almost judge it like that. Namja? I don’t exactly have them but as always, I can put on a set of attitude that can make me an independent girl who doesn’t really need them. In other side, I have some namja caring me actually. One of them is the one I gave my sympathy. Haha, am I too optimistic or, what? I don’t care. In short words, it’s really fun being here right?

But what the hell that I cried calling my mom last night? Embarrassing!

It has just two months and I already missing home? Asshhh look around shawty! I am in the very nice place in a nice time. The feeling of religious situation you can enjoy at anytime here. Wasn’t this enough?

Of course.

Well, anything going nice in the right path continuously is impossible. There’s always be some pebbles on the road. And there’s always be uncommon story in every place. Here it is. Maybe these things looked like bad things. Shame that have to be covered somehow. But I think it is the color. Different things that make our existence doesn’t same.

THE ORPHANAGE AND THE UNLUCKY KIDS

It was my second time visiting an orphanage. The first one I did with my PASKIB friends. It was at Anggun’s birthday. We gave them some of our stuff. I haven’t really got the feeling that day. Because it was in my hometown. I was still in home with my precious family and I didn’t know the feeling of being far from them.

So the second was so much special. Cause it’s far away from my hometown. It’s around 3 kilometers from my recent campus. When I first came to the orphanage, there was a cute little girl. She was around 3 or 4 years old. I smiled brightly to her and she smiled shy. I ask for her name and she answered “Farhain”. Such a beautiful name. I gave her my candy and she becomes so close to me suddenly. I pull her up and bring her with me along the rundown. It reminds me so much of my own little brother in my own home.

Generally but I think it means all of them are kind kids. They’re so welcome when I arrive there with my folks. They all have very nice ethical appearance. They’re clean and neat. Far from my previous mindset that said if this City’s kids are bad.

In my opinion, they’re just luckily unlucky.

ORIGAMI

If I can turn back time until I’m in my eighth year school, I will say so much thanks to Mita for giving me very very beneficial tutorial in making origami. At so much time after that, somehow they always bring their own miracle. These origamis did. Once again, it was happened today, five years after I can make my first origami. The kyeoptas I always talk about with Sasa just come to me and friendly asking about how to make the origami. I gave them the tutorial happily of course. I praised them who can make it successfully, and I bullied them who failed. These kinds of things really help me in making interaction with them.

CANDY

There was other thing helping my interaction, it’s the small marshmallow or we used to call it ‘candy’. It helped me much about the kids in the orphanage, and helping bullied by those namjas -_-“. The last one is not something I was planed.