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The word “Writing” is appearing on my face every single day I met people. I’ve known to have such different skill in writing. And then they keep on sending me pamphlets, brochure and other kinds of publication about writing competition or call for papers. I really want to do as they want. I learned, I failed, I tried once more, and I’m upgrading myself. But then I figure out that I can only be a pro when it comes to writing what’s in my own head. I’m good at describing me. But I face some difficulties when it comes to describe any other living-or-not-living things around. It gave me some distraction at my practicing process.

And so when I tried to make a decision –situation I hate the most- I often distracted by my own distracting minds. I thought that I’ve listen too much sentences saying “be yourself”, “follow your mind”, “follow your passion” and so on. So it seems like I follow my own uncertain mind mostly. I knew it after these all happening. I figure out that this childish mind is not always true. Sometimes it shouldn’t be followed without a long consideration. I can tell how this distracting mind keeping on giving me hard times.

Sometimes I need time when I stop thinking that anybody else thinking about me. Once, I wrote on my socmed bio: “Tak punya kepentingan untuk mengesankan siapapun”. But it stabbed me right on my back. I can’t easily falling asleep in the night when I think that someone thinking bad about me. I always have a will to impress anyone else around me. I can’t left them forget my name and my face without knowing how I give them such a good impression. I’m really that kind of person. Is it a bad thing? If it yes, can I be forgiven for having this as my personality?

Just, I beg anyone to not judge me badly because of having them. Cause I’m actually suffering from handling it all.