19.14
a.m.
I
was just finished my college activity and running straight to the parking lot
at the very back of the complex. No, I didn’t be there for picking up my
vehicle, I haven’t one of them. I was there to meet Dr. Eddy as we’ve been
promised two weeks ago. A treat on a cup of choco ice cream.
“Have
you been well, Kim?”
“Hm?
Ah… this wound? Don’t worry doctor, it’s completely vanished, I mean the scars.
Thanks to you.” I answered then smiled.
“No,
I’m not pointing at those scars, I’m a great doctor, Kim. I can assure you that
it will be okay and your beautiful face will be back again.”
“Ah,
then?”
“I’m
asking you about Joo, of course. A friend you mentioned before. Have you met
her?”
“Ah…
Joo… well, yes, last Friday we met at the place that we’re heading to, right
now.” I smiled.
Dr.
Eddy gives me a little laugh.
“Is
that your favorite place?”
“Yes,
it was. But now, that’s just the only place I know so I don’t have another
options but bring you there for fulfill my promise.”
“It
was?”
“Yes,
it ‘was’. Before the day I met her, of course.”
“What?
Did something happened when you meet her there?”
“Nope.
Nothing happened, but something revealed.”
“Seems
like something big so it’s enough to make you think that your favorite place is
no longer your favorite anymore.”
“Yes,
just like that, doc. Assume it like that.”
“Okay,
you can assume that I understand that. So, is there something that needs to be told?
A girl’s sound of heart or something like that? You can tell me anything, I’ll generously
listen.”
“Haha,
why should I?”
“On
my mental analysis, you need to do that. I mean, telling someone what’s on your
mind that keep bothering you.”
“Ok,
then, why it should be you?”
“Cause
I’m a doctor.”
“That
doesn’t give me an answer, so what will happen if you’re a doctor?”
“At
least I can give you some treatment when you’re suddenly got a heart attack
while you’re emotionally telling a story.”
“What?
Nonsense, doc, I’m sorry but I’m not on your joke.”
“Haha,
ok, I won’t be joking now. Think about this. You need to tell me what’s
bothering you because I’m no one.”
“Hm?”
“I’m
no one on your life, nor Joo. I don’t even know who is Joo. And you’re just one
of my patients, all I know about you is just name, college, age, and some
medical records. So, anything you told me won’t take any effect on your life,
nor Joo’s. That will just help you overcome your bothering mind.”
“You’re
right, doc.”
Then,
a deep silence comes through us. We were just kept walking for about five
minutes. Walking through the edge of an evening road. Cars, buses, some
motorcycles sounds so clear when we’re fall in to a deep silence. Even our
steps heard like a ticking watch on our hands. Lamps were a beautiful object
our eyes can catch.
“So, what’s going on?” doctor Eddy asking
first.
Break
the silence.
“We
talked, about so many things, each other things. something we don’t know of
each other because of those freaking distance.” I answered.
“That’s
good, right?”
“Not
really.”
“Why?”
“Because,
she wasn’t telling me all the truth. Most of them were lies.”
“How
did you know that?”
“I accidentally
found out about it, I don’t feel like I need to tell you about this because I
still keep everyone privation save.”
“Okay,
I can understand that. But it seems like a big problem to you.”
“Big
problem? No, there’re no problem to be solved. All that left behind was a big
pain, even bigger than any pain I have familiar to.”
My
tears begin to fall as I try to speak. Dr. Eddy seems startled. He tried to
calm me.
“Hey,
Kim! Don’t cry, not here please, it will left a bad impression to everyone
around, they’ll think I make you cry!” he said with low sound while his hand
pat on my arm, three times.
I
tried to stop but I just can’t.
“I’m
sure you won’t understand why I cried.” I said it still holding my tears back,
but it come out again.
“Yes,
I don’t, I don’t understand.”
“You
won’t understand just by knowing the story I already told you because that’s
not the main thing, I cannot tell you what it is about. I really can’t tell but
I really want to tell someone that I’m in pain. I’m in a lot pain, doc.”
“Okay,
then you can cry. Cry as much as you want, show me how deep you’ve fallen into
the pain.”
Then
I cry harder than before.
For
about seven minutes, there was just silence. Once more.
“is
it okay, doc?”
“what?”
“crying
this hard?”
“hm…
that was lacrimal fluid.”
“Hm?”
“those
tears, we called it lacrimal fluid. A watery physiologic saline, with a
plasmalike consistency, but also contains the bacteriocidal enzyme lysozyme, it
moistens the conjunctiva and cornea, providing nutrients and dissolved O2 to
the cornea.”
“Hm?”
“Ah,
what major do you take at college now, Kim?”
“Landscape
Architecture, doc…”
“Ah,
okay then I’m not thinking of lecturing you about lacrimal fluid, that won’t be
any help for both your major or your pain. I was just say that it’s okay to
cry…”
“thanks,
doc.”
“You’re
welcome, but. Can you tell me, Kim?”
“Yeah?”
“What’s
the point of your pain?”
“It’s
the fact that I don’t know Joo anymore. she behave like someone I never know
before. Joo who’s always be the one I know so well was completely gone
somewhere else. Dareun saram, geu yeoja ya.”
Then, those sentence just giving
me more tears to cry.
It
is now freely flowing on my cheeks. Those lacrimal fluid.
###
....just end it here, or to be continued?
Well, let's see
When I wrote about those tears, I'm also crying in reality.
