The word “Writing” is appearing on my face every single day
I met people. I’ve known to have such different skill in writing. And then they
keep on sending me pamphlets, brochure and other kinds of publication about
writing competition or call for papers. I really want to do as they want. I
learned, I failed, I tried once more, and I’m upgrading myself. But then I
figure out that I can only be a pro when it comes to writing what’s in my own
head. I’m good at describing me. But I face some difficulties when it comes to
describe any other living-or-not-living things around. It gave me some
distraction at my practicing process.
And so when I tried to make a decision –situation I hate
the most- I often distracted by my own distracting minds. I thought that I’ve
listen too much sentences saying “be yourself”, “follow your mind”, “follow
your passion” and so on. So it seems like I follow my own uncertain mind
mostly. I knew it after these all happening. I figure out that this childish
mind is not always true. Sometimes it shouldn’t be followed without a long
consideration. I can tell how this distracting mind keeping on giving me hard
times.
Sometimes I need time when I stop thinking that anybody
else thinking about me. Once, I wrote on my socmed bio: “Tak punya kepentingan
untuk mengesankan siapapun”. But it stabbed me right on my back. I can’t easily
falling asleep in the night when I think that someone thinking bad about me. I
always have a will to impress anyone else around me. I can’t left them forget
my name and my face without knowing how I give them such a good impression. I’m
really that kind of person. Is it a bad thing? If it yes, can I be forgiven for
having this as my personality?
Just, I beg anyone to not judge me badly because of having
them. Cause I’m actually suffering from handling it all.
